soooooo ... lately ive been feeling rather .... lol. okay so you know when someone says something and its a joke but its totally something you're already insecure about so it like, really gets to you? haha. yeah i've been going through that.
somehow we got talking about dating and shit and im so very anti-dating. i have this habit of only dating players or like really clingy guys who suck the life out of me so im pretty much like fuck dating. and my friend told me teasingly that im going to be a 60 year old spinster with four dogs lol. i was like WHAT NOOO dont say that lol. and its funny but at the same time ....im like
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams at sky*
so it's fucked me up a bit lol.
i had to call casha cakes.
she made me feel better. a bit anyway. she told me basically that being 60 and single isn't really so bad, said she'd rather have accomplished a lot in her life and have amazing friends and family she can count on and lots of great experiences with lots of money saved and a great time than just be another chick with some dude whose bringing her down. and i mean, she has a solid point.
but somehow we keep ending up talking about exes. today it was because he was telling me the difference between crazy fun and crazy obsessed. and i was like "heh...heh...*awkward silence*"
i've totally been called obsessed before. its like, .......that word is not something my ego can handle lol. and the dudes who've said i've been obsessed have, of course, been players who are so into themselves they never even knew i was a stripper or veronica vice or anything because they never bothered to ask lol. so fuck them, but still that whole convo made me realize how much dating actually does suck lol. like it really, really fucking sucks. and so does being a 60 year old spinster with four dogs lololol..
i dont even know. i guess im not the only single person in the world, i'm sure i'll survive lol.
so i just went out to get a hot chocolate and someone randomly offered to buy me a drink so i was like, yeah fuck it might as well i mean i am in spain afterall.
now im slightly buzzed trying to blog before i start studying.
i think my ex roommate amie star is coming to italy with us. thats going to be fucking epic. i feel like a loser because im SOOOO excited that shes coming but we've had some crazy fucking times together and im really looking forward to this trip. lol
alright im out i need to read this chapter.